NWA-PCUG Newsletter Article
From Fred Langa's LangaList Newsletter, January 2002


Larry Grannis writes:
You might be an engineer if ...

    ...choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma.

    ...you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.

    ...in college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.

    ...the sales people at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions

    ...at an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling

    ...you bought your wife a new CD-ROM drive for her birthday.

    ...you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.

    ...you can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.

    ...you comment to your wife/husband that their straight hair is nice and parallel.

    ...you sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the special effects.

    ...you have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.

    ...you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.

    ...you know what "http" stands for.

    ...you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids' toys together.

    ...you see a good design and still have to change it.

    ...you spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.

    ...you still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
    ...you think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.
    ...you window shop at Radio Shack

    ...your laptop computer costs more than your car.

    ...your wife/husband hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.

    ...you've already calculated how much you make per second.

    ...you've tried to repair a $5 radio.


Barry writes:
Alternative answering machine greetings:

    Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner!

    Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

    Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

    Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

    Hi. Now you say something.

    Hi. This is John If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

    If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.

    Leave a beep after the message

    This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.


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